What is the secret of a healthy and loving relationship? It isn’t communication, mutual interests, personality compatibility or even chemistry. The secret to a healthy relationship is—loving yourself. Loving yourself takes on many different forms– self respect, self care, self trust, self worth, and responsibility for yourself.
So often we go around feeling empty inside and hoping someone will come along and fill up that empty feeling for us in a relationship. That prince or princess of our dreams will ride in on a white horse and save us from a life of misery. When someone comes along, and at first seems great but the red flags start flying up, we might ignore those signs if we lack the self respect to see them.
No one should ever ask us to compromise ourselves for their sake or the sake of the relationship. If you ever give into these kinds of demands the relationship is doomed from the start. That isn’t to say healthy compromise in a loving relationship is disrespecting yourself, to the contrary, but if you are constantly giving yourself up for another person, you will never have a healthy relationship.
You can’t expect anyone else to love you if you don’t love yourself. And this includes taking care of your health and hygiene. Smoking and drinking, and doing dangerous things is not only unloving to a partner, it is unloving to yourself.
Make time for yourself to exercise and to eat a healthy diet. Get your hair done, shave, trim your beard. Set aside a budget for new clothing. Taking care of your physical needs is not selfish it is self full.
If someone wants you to do something and you don’t feel good about it, you have a nagging inner voice telling you it is a good idea, but you do it anyway to appease the other person, you are not loving or trusting yourself. Believe that you do know what is best for you. No one else can tell you that.
Trusting yourself includes trusting your own decision making and not relying on someone else to make tough decisions for you. Don’t give your decision over to another person, and then be disappointed when you don’t get what you want.
You deserve a good relationship. In fact, you deserve all that life has to offer. Tell yourself, “Every day in every way, I’m getting better and better.” The power of positive self talk is very real. The thing is that most of the time our self talk is negative and through it we reinforce negative beliefs and thoughts about ourselves. Whatever you want you can have. Begin today to believe it.
Responsibility for Yourself
No one else is responsible for you but you. If you blame your partner for your life or your relationship being the way it is, you will only create more negative situations. If you aren’t actively doing any of the things on this list, you are in danger of not taking responsibility for yourself. What most of us did not learn in school or from our parents is that we have absolute power over our own lives.
So begin to look at yourself, your own feelings. Examine your desires, what you truly want, and begin to go after them. Forgive your partner for whatever might have happened in the past and start to look toward a future where you are the master of your own life and there is no one to blame, there is no anger, no resentment, and no control.